She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
