oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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