I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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