Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
