I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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