allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
