wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
