i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
