i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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