it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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