I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
