dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
