i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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