woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Let's paint friendship bongs
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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