Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
