Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
