he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
