I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
