Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
