i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
