Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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