is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Never joke about your clitoris.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
