I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
