Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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