She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
