I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
