I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
