Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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