I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
