I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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