Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
