You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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