Michael Bay diarrhea
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
