I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Come share oat with me in your robe
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
