Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
