wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
