did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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