he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
