My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
