You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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