I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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