...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
