my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
