just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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