You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
