Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
