Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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