The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
