Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
