The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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