Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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