ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
