I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
