We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
