I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
