I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
